The news media covered a recent cosmonaut crash-landing in which a Soyuz reentry vehicle plowed into the Earth nearly 300 miles short of its target zone.  I hold a doctorate in the field of satellite navigation and I can assure you that my heart skipped a beat when I heard the spacecraft's parachutes were on fire.  This kind of thing just doesn't happen during a normal Soyuz reentry.

I called a high-ranking colleague in Air Force Cyberspace Command.  He verbally confirmed that the North Korean military launched a deadly cyber attack against the Soyuz reentry vehicle.  USAF officials had been quietly protecting the international space station's network while Peggy Whitson of NASA was in command.  "North Korea launched the attack during the crew's return to earth," he revealed, "at exactly the time when they were most vulnerable.  The Koreans forced the Soyuz module to undergo a ballistic reentry," he revealed.

"The fact that anyone on the crew survived at all is a miracle," my colleague said.  I suspect Air Force Cyberspace Command had a little something to do with their miraculous survival, but he could neither confirm nor deny it.  The entire incident is highly classified at this point so the diplomats can do whatever it is they do, without the media getting wind of it.